How to separate a child from the parents?

You left a child in kindergarten a year without problems. But once the child becomes anxious and frightened, hung it on you, and clearly lets you know he does not want to leave it. Educators ignore attempts to calm him and wants to socialize with other children. All he wants you and crying and screaming every time you leave. You are upset, confused and have a sense of guilt. But all this is repeated day after day. 

If this sounds familiar, then your child is going through a period of fear of separation, a normal stage of child development. But although it is quite normal for parents can be very disturbing. If you understand what a child goes through and develop a strategy, it could help you and your child to help overcome the crisis period.

What is the fear of separation?

Fear of separation is just one of many different stages of growing up that will pass through your child, and probably will hit most of the children. During this period, the child is in no way wishes to separate from parents and terribly shaken when it was mom or dad leave with someone else.

Fear of separation usually occurs between 8 months and 1 year, reaching a peak between 1 and 2 year. However, a good deal of time can vary from child to child. Some children go through this phase much later, between 3 and 4 , and let's never experience. For some there are certain stressful situations that can run like new aunts in kindergarten, moving, new baby in the family, parents' quarrels and the like.

How to develop?

In the first few months of age you must have noticed that the baby is very well adapted to others. This is typical of most infants. Probably you feel the fear of separation when you have a child left to someone for safekeeping.As long as his needs are met, a child younger than 8 months typically adjust well to other people.

Between 8 months and 1 year, sometimes earlier or later start to change. The child begins to feel uncomfortable in the company of unfamiliar people and situations, and maybe you will not be out of sight. This behavior is known as a fear of strangers. On the other hand, it is usually a good sign because the child begins to distinguish familiar from unfamiliar people.

Between 1 and 2 The child becomes more independent - however, there is less secure when not with you. Then develop a fear of separation and the child becomes agitated and upset when you try to leave. Regardless of whether you go to another room on the second or neliko child leaves with a nanny all night, you can expect screaming, crying and refusal to the attention of others.

Development, the child begins to understand the concept of object persistence, and when you can see, it means that you have gone. On the other hand, the child still does not understand the concept of time and does not know whether or when to return. So no matter whether you are in the kitchen, next room or office, your child is to not care. You are missing and will do everything it can to prevent this to happen.

The child understands very well how his behavior affects you. If you quickly go back to the room every time you cry, and then stay with it longer or cancel what you have planned, will continue to use the same strategy to prevent you going.

Your feelings

During this phase, you will probably have mixed feelings. Perhaps you will likely want, and thought that the child does not want to lose you, especially after accustom to other people who kept it until now. You will be very glad that the child is ultimately tied to how much you and you for him. At the same time, you will feel so guilty for taking time for yourself, leave the child in care or go to work. You may feel and iscpljenost the widespread attention that a child asks you.

Do not forget that what the child is reluctant to separate from you is a good sign that one has developed a healthy attachment to you. The child will eventually realize that you are after you leave and come back and to his memory will be enough to feel comfortable after you leave.

Make it easy for farewells

Here are some tips that may help during the difficult period Farewells:

· It is the timing. Try to avoid the assignment of keeping an unknown person between 8 months and 1 when the fear of separation first appears. Also, try not to leave when a child is tired, hungry, or restless. If possible, plan your trips with rest or meals.

· Privikavajte child at separation, the new people and new places. If a child is someone going to leave it to reserve, call the person earlier and spend some time together. If a child goes to kindergarten, visit it together several times before you can leave it all day. Leave the child with his aunt in the kindergarten a short time to get used to stay without you.

· Be calm and persistent. Come up with a farewell ritual that separation is a pleasant, peaceful and loving. Remain calm and show that you have confidence in the child. Reassure your child that you will come back and explain how you will be so long that it fails to understand (you'll be back after lunch or after the afternoon break). The child is still too small and no sense of time. Devote his full attention when you forgive, when you say go, and hold it. Back to the whole thing worse.

This is only temporary

Try to keep in mind that this is just a phase that will pass like many others, and that each child is different. If a child never left anyone in the store, if shy or under some other stress (such as the birth of a new child or ill), the separation might be more difficult than for other children. Most children grow in a certain period of that phase.

At the same time, and you should trust your instincts. If a child does not want to keep a person or shows any other signs of tension, such as trouble sleeping or loss of appetite, maybe the word about a growing problem.

If the heightened fear of separation to keep the preschool, elementary school or further on you should talk with children's doctor. This may signal a more serious form of fear known as a disorder of fear of conquest. Children with this disorder fear that they will be conquered by the family and are often convinced that something bad happened while the parents are not. Some other symptoms of the disorder are:

· Stampede (nausea, vomiting or shortness of breath) or panic attacks before leaving parents

· Nightmares about separation

· Fear of sleeping in his room

· Constant fear that they will be lost or abducted

Contact your pediatrician if your child shows any of these symptoms.

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