Spanking is not the solution!

Not only have studies shown that most parents do not like beating children, but experts have proved that spanking is not effective. In contrast to these is the fact that nearly 75% of parents reaching for beating the first sight as a disciplinary measure. Does spanking should be banned by law?

Somewhere near you, someone just beat his child. Research conducted in Britain showed that even 94% of physically punishing four-year - almost half of them more than once a week. The same survey found that more than 75% one year old was beaten in the first year of his life! However, nearly 75% of parents who were included in this study claimed to feel awful after you beat a child, and only one in five respondents believe that parents are an effective way to beating your child learn to distinguish good from bad behavior. In other words, parents do not like to beat the kids, so do not even believe in the efficacy of beating. But on the other hand, does not give just beaten the fastest results? If the child is "insane" and does not want to listen to rational explanations, or to cooperate, is not the only possibility of beating? They did not, says a growing number of professionals dealing with child rearing. The truth is that you will achieve instant results - beating the child will calm down now.However, tests have shown that the first child the next time to do the same thing that you have him beat. Child psychologists say that children are not able to answer the question why they were physically punished. Beat your child that you are torn on the street, it will remember the beating but will not learn a lesson about safety, it was your intention.

Appeals to outlaw spanking does not come from a small group of liberal parents (or those without children). This has become an international issue. In the ten European countries protect children from beatings law, a study conducted in Europe have found that the 58% of the citizens of those countries where there is no law supported its adoption, until the law is to protect parents who resort to that sometimes its very slightly magnifying glass a child.

"Reasonable chastisement" - The biggest problem with the law is the part which speaks of "reasonable punishment", that is, as opposed to serious physical abuse, are allowed. These terms are as defined, is very individual. There are many parents that constant physical punishment of children considered normal educational measure, not offense. In addition - to prescribe the permissible strength of the impact? Quite correct argument in these debates is that the law does not allow "reasonable" physical punishment adult. Hit the adult is punishable.Why can not also be true for the children? The only logical, but the tremendous response is that children are vulnerable and can not fight back.

But what to do if you are really beating the only thing you have left? Being a parent is not easy and sometimes each of us must "break". The latest guides to help parents say the main thing to make a distinction between discipline and punishment. Positive education focuses on the good stuff: the prize for children's behavior that grant, even if it is about the smallest things. Children love when they receive attention, so that it will strive to give you pleasure to see whether they like it "worth it". Of course, things will not change overnight, but persistence can certainly change the behavior of the child. Try to distract the attention of those things that bother you, especially those of a child still is not done (do you recognize the phrase "if you do, you will get beaten up?").

When it comes to crucial moments where you feel that someone will get hurt, psychologists suggest that the most important attempt to create a vacuum between himself and the child, which means practically or completely separated from the child and try not to be alone with him. With very young children in this case is crucial to have someone you at least fifteen minutes to be replaced and you create a time during which you can cool off. If this option is not there, try to stress drain along with the child. The physical drain not be beaten, you can try to suggest to him to play together zmir, Gagné, jumping or playing lions and ricet until the anger is drained. Another option is to save and run it in the park or playground.

Experts recommend time out. But what about situations where the child is thrown on the floor until all the supermarkets turn and look behind you and it is because he does not want to buy what you ask for? Most experts agree that children in these cases it is best ignored. Like all those that amused your show. Of course, you always have an eye on it, but you can remove a few meters from where the child is buried, but when there is a fountain of tears or neizdrživih sounds the human ear, you can go back, take him in my arms and try to explain why can not get what he wants. One will surely stop. However, you must have enough nerve and be prepared that it can take an hour. And although this is one of the worst possible situation, do not avoid the store tomorrow. Send the child a bad sign - or you'll think you won, or that problems should be solved by making them turn back.

When it comes to children over three years, so most experts recommend. time out - children should be sent in a separate room, or to allocate to a particular place at one time. He does not forget to kneel on corn. The point is not that a child is suffering, but to him to know that his behavior is bad. In addition, it will give you a few moments in which you can gather. Experts recommend that this penalty is limited to a maximum of ten minutes or for as many minutes as the child's age. This method will send the message that you do not want to tolerate the behavior that you have previously warned, but given time and the child understand what it actually does. It is also recommended that this type of sentence you repeat every time it is the same or similar error. If it forces you to constantly go into a corner, that he will eventually get bored.

A very effective strategy and the withdrawal of privileges or toys (watching TV, playing games, etc..). However, if it choose to do that, after the first threat of the agenda into action and stay consistent. Otherwise - no winner.Although the child has received what they wanted, you sent a message that will also be a next time.

Sometimes it is very important to understand that there are things about which i do not bother to apply. The best tactic for a particular situation, experts say, just do not watch. I keep the power for matters that are truly important. Of course, that so many parents say they have already tried all this and that nothing has failed. With a team that such statements often exaggerated. You can expect to ten days after the change of tactics, to teach a child how to behave in life.

Parenting is not something that lasts for ten days, but all his life. If at the end and beats up baby - do not forget that this is not the end of the world. Most important is to understand where the failure occurred and try again.After all - and you are only human. A child does not hurt to learn the important lesson here.

Beaten in sight! How to Avoid Them?

For children under five years:

* Try to detach from the child - even the smallest distance to work,

* Call someone who will not shock your obezglavljenost - soothing conversation,

* Redirect energy - iscijepajte mallet bag or old newspaper, making sure your child without having seen and not hurt,

* Try the tactic of discharge - remove the child from having to channel the anger and the fact that you will dance to his favorite tapes,

* Try to divert his attention to something else - read to him or sing to him,

* Take your child than what you were annoyed - patterns on the walls -> run him out,

* Sometimes give in - consider whether you are just working on which will be the last, only wants to eat - let him!

For children over five years:

* Try outom time, or close to another room for ten minutes,

* Have grown enough to understand that "no" means "no" - to repeat them, but still, do not let you out of the clock,

* Try to separate them from what you annoying - if you throw toys, subtract them and tell them that they will be able to play again only when calm.

* As children grow, the abolition of privileges makes more sense, let the first target to be spending money, or TV.

How to stay calm?

~ Accept that some stages of development of the child just like that. For example, children under three years tend to be really tough. Do not blame yourself you're a bad mother - you are simply fed up and frustrated, and it happens to everyone. Always blame the behavior, not the child. Do not hate because your child is naughty. Your child loves you and you love it, it is conduct which is unacceptable. Do the same thing happens with adults?

~ Reward all good behavior - it always works. Do not tell them that they are always bad, you used them and convince them of that. Rather praise them when they are good. Children love attention.

~ If it beats, do not apologize to him or take him into his arms no matter how difficult it was. Children remember and apply tactics that they learn. And this is one of the worst. 

Five steps to a successful parent

Raising children is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but the job that you always feel unprepared. However, this is a job that most people comply. Here are some tips about the responsibilities of raising children, which may help you to feel fulfilled as a parent, but also to enjoy more of their children. 

Nurture your child's self esteem

Children feel about themselves begin to develop even as babies, when they see themselves "through your eyes."The child absorbs your voice, body language and your every expression. Parents' words and behavior, more than anything else, affect the development of the child's self image. Praise your child for his accomplishments, however small, the child will develop a sense of pride. If you let him do things for yourself, you will help them feel capable and independent. On the other hand, negative or disparaging comparisons with other child will feel worthless.

Avoid double messages, or use words as weapons: "How stupid of you!" or "You act like a baby than your little brother". Such comments about hurt children "inside" the same as you would blow zabolio "outside".

Be compassionate and choose words carefully. Let the child know that everyone make mistakes and still love it, even if you do not like some of his actions and behavior.

Note the child's good behavior

Have you ever wondered how many times you react negatively to the child's "mischief" in the day? You may discover

to criticize more than compliments. How would you feel if your boss had so much negative guidance, even well-intentioned?

Much more effective approach is to "catch" your child doing something right: "You made a bed without being asked, that's terrific!" or "I watched you while you play with other children and you were very patient - mom is proud of you."

Looking at "long distance" of such statements will encourage good behavior, as opposed to the repetition of sharp rebuke. Focus on that every day you see a good thing you can boast. Be generous with rewards - your love, hugs and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Very soon you will find that the behavior of "progress" toward desired.

Set limits and be consistent

Each household is required disciplines. Its aim is to help children choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. Children will likely test the limits you establish for them, but they are essential to them for one to become a responsible adult. Establishing house rules will help your child understand the expectations and develop self-control. House rules might include: no TV before dinner, and no hitting and insulting, offensive or provoking is not allowed.

To succeed in implementing these rules, you will need to have a system "in place" when it comes to breaking the rules: eg. one warning, then the consequences of losing some privileges (watching cartoons or playing in the park) or the end game. A common mistake is that parents fail to be consistent with the "punishment". You will not discipline a child if one day you respond to violations of rules, and another day they ignore. Consistent with their expectations of teaching a child.

Keep time for children

With all of the obligations, parents and children can be difficult to find a common meal or spend some quality time having fun. But there is probably something that your child wanted more than that. Wake up 10 minutes early so you can have breakfast with your child or put off washing the dishes after dinner and go to walk together. Children who lack parental care, which often aspire to behave inappropriately because they are convinced that in this way to focus attention on himself.

A lot of parents to the mutual satisfaction is the scheduled time for the children. For example, say your child is a special Tuesday evening with mom or dad and let him just deciding how to spend the time. Think about other ways of connecting with the child - leave him a message or a special toy.

It seems that adolescents are less desired by their parents' attention

than younger children. Since there is a less common points where parents and teens can find, parents should do everything to make it accessible when a teenager wishes to talk or participate in family activities. Going out to concerts, games and other things you can do together will help to facilitate communication and to learn more about the child and his friends.

Do not feel guilty if you are employed parent. There are a lot of "little things" that you can do with a child - like cooking popcorn, playing cards, sightseeing windows - which will be glad to remember.

Be a good role model

Young children largely learn behavior by watching you. The younger you are, the more they will be guided by you. Before the planet and start yelling at the child, consider whether you want your child will behave when angry. Constantly be aware that your child is watching you. Studies have shown that children prone to aggressive behavior usually have a model home for the behavior.

Create a model with features that you want to develop in a child: respect, friendly disposition, kindness, honesty, tolerance. It lets selfless behavior. Do good to other people without expecting favors or prizes. Give thanks.  And above all: to treat your diet as you would like others to treat you.

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How to separate a child from the parents?

You left a child in kindergarten a year without problems. But once the child becomes anxious and frightened, hung it on you, and clearly lets you know he does not want to leave it. Educators ignore attempts to calm him and wants to socialize with other children. All he wants you and crying and screaming every time you leave. You are upset, confused and have a sense of guilt. But all this is repeated day after day. 

If this sounds familiar, then your child is going through a period of fear of separation, a normal stage of child development. But although it is quite normal for parents can be very disturbing. If you understand what a child goes through and develop a strategy, it could help you and your child to help overcome the crisis period.

What is the fear of separation?

Fear of separation is just one of many different stages of growing up that will pass through your child, and probably will hit most of the children. During this period, the child is in no way wishes to separate from parents and terribly shaken when it was mom or dad leave with someone else.

Fear of separation usually occurs between 8 months and 1 year, reaching a peak between 1 and 2 year. However, a good deal of time can vary from child to child. Some children go through this phase much later, between 3 and 4 , and let's never experience. For some there are certain stressful situations that can run like new aunts in kindergarten, moving, new baby in the family, parents' quarrels and the like.

How to develop?

In the first few months of age you must have noticed that the baby is very well adapted to others. This is typical of most infants. Probably you feel the fear of separation when you have a child left to someone for safekeeping.As long as his needs are met, a child younger than 8 months typically adjust well to other people.

Between 8 months and 1 year, sometimes earlier or later start to change. The child begins to feel uncomfortable in the company of unfamiliar people and situations, and maybe you will not be out of sight. This behavior is known as a fear of strangers. On the other hand, it is usually a good sign because the child begins to distinguish familiar from unfamiliar people.

Between 1 and 2 The child becomes more independent - however, there is less secure when not with you. Then develop a fear of separation and the child becomes agitated and upset when you try to leave. Regardless of whether you go to another room on the second or neliko child leaves with a nanny all night, you can expect screaming, crying and refusal to the attention of others.

Development, the child begins to understand the concept of object persistence, and when you can see, it means that you have gone. On the other hand, the child still does not understand the concept of time and does not know whether or when to return. So no matter whether you are in the kitchen, next room or office, your child is to not care. You are missing and will do everything it can to prevent this to happen.

The child understands very well how his behavior affects you. If you quickly go back to the room every time you cry, and then stay with it longer or cancel what you have planned, will continue to use the same strategy to prevent you going.

Your feelings

During this phase, you will probably have mixed feelings. Perhaps you will likely want, and thought that the child does not want to lose you, especially after accustom to other people who kept it until now. You will be very glad that the child is ultimately tied to how much you and you for him. At the same time, you will feel so guilty for taking time for yourself, leave the child in care or go to work. You may feel and iscpljenost the widespread attention that a child asks you.

Do not forget that what the child is reluctant to separate from you is a good sign that one has developed a healthy attachment to you. The child will eventually realize that you are after you leave and come back and to his memory will be enough to feel comfortable after you leave.

Make it easy for farewells

Here are some tips that may help during the difficult period Farewells:

· It is the timing. Try to avoid the assignment of keeping an unknown person between 8 months and 1 when the fear of separation first appears. Also, try not to leave when a child is tired, hungry, or restless. If possible, plan your trips with rest or meals.

· Privikavajte child at separation, the new people and new places. If a child is someone going to leave it to reserve, call the person earlier and spend some time together. If a child goes to kindergarten, visit it together several times before you can leave it all day. Leave the child with his aunt in the kindergarten a short time to get used to stay without you.

· Be calm and persistent. Come up with a farewell ritual that separation is a pleasant, peaceful and loving. Remain calm and show that you have confidence in the child. Reassure your child that you will come back and explain how you will be so long that it fails to understand (you'll be back after lunch or after the afternoon break). The child is still too small and no sense of time. Devote his full attention when you forgive, when you say go, and hold it. Back to the whole thing worse.

This is only temporary

Try to keep in mind that this is just a phase that will pass like many others, and that each child is different. If a child never left anyone in the store, if shy or under some other stress (such as the birth of a new child or ill), the separation might be more difficult than for other children. Most children grow in a certain period of that phase.

At the same time, and you should trust your instincts. If a child does not want to keep a person or shows any other signs of tension, such as trouble sleeping or loss of appetite, maybe the word about a growing problem.

If the heightened fear of separation to keep the preschool, elementary school or further on you should talk with children's doctor. This may signal a more serious form of fear known as a disorder of fear of conquest. Children with this disorder fear that they will be conquered by the family and are often convinced that something bad happened while the parents are not. Some other symptoms of the disorder are:

· Stampede (nausea, vomiting or shortness of breath) or panic attacks before leaving parents

· Nightmares about separation

· Fear of sleeping in his room

· Constant fear that they will be lost or abducted

Contact your pediatrician if your child shows any of these symptoms.

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Unruly child

Virtually no parent who has not at some point faced with resistance from your child when he asked him to listen to something. Adults often do not understand why they are opposed to children, because from their point of view there is nothing more natural than that they follow the orders of those who prefer them and thus bring up.But, judging by the nature of the child's disobedience to be small creatures that grow up ... 

The first "no" mothers and fathers will hear before the second birthday of their children. But for very young children to reject often not really: for example, say "no" before you give them food that is eaten at the same time. "No," and "that" babies are fast replacing them as a class action class a lot of fun do not, so it is inevitable to go through the crisis, anger and resistance - that they need to be adults.

Already at the age of three years, "no" and "I" has a function to highlight the child's right to his "self". Parents of children in this age often face a "stormy" episodes of their resentment in various situations that are nothing but children need to confirm their identity, and to achieve through the opposing will of an adult. However, after this period the child has already achieved a certain maturity that allows him to feel little need to work together with adults, and is therefore able to show good will to make something of him. Later in childhood, when you listen, there is something more important - the awareness of the effort that has brought satisfaction for a job well done.

Here is an explanation for parents whose children want to listen to and where they are wrong whose children are "systematic" disobedient. Contrary to popular belief, parents whose children respect their authority, in fact, are not particularly demanding. They do not need to constantly "breathing child by the neck" and tell him what to do. They are calm and strong personalities that respect a child, and thus know how to do that and it respects them. In addition, they are natural because they are very aware that children invariably feel if someone treated them according to the histrionic manner.

On the other hand, often undermining parental authority following reasons:

- "Mechanical" atmosphere in the family - for which the child feels like an object. Disobedience in this case has a function to draw the attention of parents to child. So, if you turn over the duties you perform at home, it will feel noticed and important and it will be "intolerable." What it is not wanted, only wanted not to disconnect from what you are doing.

- Prezazuzeta mother. In a situation where the mother is long absent from home, going to a child on her back just will not cooperate. Then you need to mama preveziđe ​​their discontent and show understanding for the child's condition and his behavior will return to normal levels.

- Disagreement parents. A very disobedient children, in fact, react to their behavior in the environment they are growing up. Its resistance, it actually shows the inner turmoil because of difficulties with their parents. Because children need to explain what is happening in the family, and if you are unable to resolve the problem yourself, consult a professional.

- Show the parents as "victims" of the child's disobedience. Once grown in the absence of other solutions, reach for the gun and show your child how much they crushed their disobedience. However, the result of this maneuver is that it turns against you, because no one appreciates "the broken guitar", and certainly not the one whom you should make in life. It is much better to face the child with negative consequences that will have a procedure itself, rather than force him to some adults seem to love.

And finally ... It is important to remember that you children will listen to you if you just raise them a lot of freedom and let me be who they are, and who are generally disobedient ask you just to help them, to love and understand.

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What to do when a child does not want to eat?

The refusal of food and appetite are various stages of normal, but when the toddler is not gaining weight and lags in the growth of their peers must seek medical advice. 

Every mother knows that children know to be very troublesome and picky when it comes to food. One of the most strenuous period was one where a child is two years, partly due to fussiness and obstinacy of the child, partly because not all parents know what they really need children of that age.

What often gets confused, and worried parents, is that a child of two years, has a smaller appetite than infants.How so?

The explanation is simple - two year old is growing more slowly than babies. Trošić more energy to move, but the less calories it will take to grow, so he will not need so much food.

Toddlers are often picky with food, meticulous, sometimes nervous. It may be that some food refuse, you should not worry parents, to be compensated if another food product from the same group, in this or the next meal.

It is no problem even if the child skips a meal - ask yourself toddlers to eat when hungry.

It is important to be patient

Toddlers require freedom of choice, which can lead to unusual eating habits - a child can one day eat lots of food, but very little the next. Sometimes will want to eat the same thing.

All these stages are temporary and as long as the child is healthy, we should not worry about them or to force him to "eat like other children." To be patient and wait for a while - bugs will have to go through.

However, never force your child to eat while occupied with the game. Do not rush to finish any meal or insist on eating the same amount of food as adults.

In fact, until the child is healthy and growing normally (which show the height and weight during the medical examination), you can be sure to eat enough.

One possible problem in this age that a child is drinking too much milk, so it is not enough hungry for other foods ... You would need to limit the intake of milk, which is best achieved by not giving him milk from a bottle than from a cup.

As regards the bottle, the child would be at this age should have to quit them and learn to use a glass or cup. Too long use of children's teeth deform the bottle.

If parents are forced feeding, the child usually responds even greater obstinacy, and the problem intensifies.

In any case, given the fact that your child consumes enough energy to pay attention to that offered food contains the elements necessary for the child's proper growth and development (meat, fish, chicken, eggs, dairy products, pasta, cereals, vegetables and fruits) .

Appropriate child smaller meals, but their needs are higher in energy so that in addition to the three main important to ensure and snacks (five to six meals a day). Children aged two years and can not eat food that has been banned in the previous year (orange, lemon, tangerine, berries, honey, egg whites ...).

The refusal of food and strange appetites are normal stages in the development of the child, however, when a child consistently refuses to eat for months not gaining weight behind the growth of their peers, seek medical advice.

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