It may be that your child has to stay home alone for a few hours. If in doubt you how best to proceed.Babysitter is not among the available options - and it is, but you believe that your child is old enough that it can be only for a few hours, and that it would be good to learn to develop independence (which is a great idea, unless the child is just not enough ). However, not sure how to handle your child, and what you would not be able to do that to him a little bit easier.
If your child has not yet learned to be just a few hours, you might want to start organizing his time. Make no mistake: we do not think it "Load" obligations to be fulfilled until you get back. If you pass to do things you normally do not like (for example, to practice tasks in mathematics, to wash dishes, wipe off the dust, get your room, throw rubbish ...), it is likely that it will not do any of that, and in addition you will feel lonely and will have a guilty conscience because mommy did not meet expectations.
Instead, suggest that your child can call the other guests or companions. Try not to think about it that will "bring down the house" and "to make stupidity" - accidents can happen, of course, but it's not likely that your child and his school friend or comrade demolished apartment. Leave in the fridge for sandwiches and material drinks, the children would not be hungry, and you want them to be pretty fun. Tell the child you will come back and try to be accurate.
If the child is quite alone, not a bad idea to call him occasionally (not too often that you would not think to control it) and to discreetly find out what it does and how it feels. In this situation, it is also desirable to tell him when you get back home and then to the right and back. When you arrive, you do not immediately see whether the crumbs on the carpet, and if something is spilled or stained, but hug the child, tell him that you missed and praise him because he was "as big" was only in the house.
Is your child ready to just stay at home?
Do you remember the movie "Home Alone"? The main message of the film is that our children are far more capable and resourceful than we about them, we think. Because of their need to protect them in all, we tend to overdo it by looking at them only weak, delicate creatures, even when they do not.
When it comes to your outings away from home and leaving the child alone in the house, I always think of his uzast. When a child can be left alone? Before 6 The do not insist that the child stays only if it really is not necessary. Remember that the first separation should be gradual and moderate. First, you will go to the store or to another place for a child to know that he is very close to your house. It is understood that their initial exodus can later gradually extended but never leave a child alone for several hours, without supervision. In pre-monitoring period is needed not only because of what the child can do, but also because its inner, psychological safety.
Offer a choice. ("Or I'll stay here, or we go along"). But if the child is not very just to stay in the apartment - do not push. No matter how much you may be convinced that it can and should remain only if the child has expressed fear - not primoravajte it, because a lot of risk. I'd rather wait a while and try again.
There are several factors that affect your child's independence and its ability to stay home alone.
Room of her own. Children who have their own room, so do not play in their room, where they spend as much as mom and dad. This attitude and keep children when they go to school. Most parents, in fact, a natural place for a desk sees his championship in his room, even though the entire first grade children sit it in some other table (the dining room or kitchen) writing assignments, in mom's presence. What does that tell you? Your children are looking for your company, and your room exclusively as a place where they sleep. Your room, your privacy and the need to be isolated from the majority of children have parents later.So, do not insist that all the toys are in the children's room, or that there is only doing homework. All these habits and the child will gain only, with your little help, but at the right time.
However, if your child wants to play in his room, and without your presence means that you will check the room well. As a child less - your control should be higher. Before the game starts to make sure the window open by accident, or maybe you just accidentally landed there scissors or other sharp object ... When you are sure that the child is completely safe no reason not to let it play out there as much as he wants. Of course, children have their own room and are happy to play in it without you, the easier it will accept your short-term departures from home. Even then observe the next few rules:
* Obavazno contact us before leaving. If you think that a child is playing and will not notice if you only a few minutes of going to the store - you risk a lot. Because, if you notice that a child does, his first reaction will be panic. Upon your arrival will long remember this trauma and I may complete sudden attachment to you, and not just the child that will not play in your room, but you will not let any of his sight, but literally, out of their hands. Such a procedure are essentially ruining your previous relationships of trust. In such cases, the child may feel betrayed, abandoned, confused, and no your subsequent explanations can not be of much help. So, no matter how playful child was in his room, he always clearly tell where you are going and when you will return (for example: I go to the store, be back in a few minutes.)
* Do not lie. If you go promising that you will arrive in a few minutes, so you no longer hours, they are doing the same, the above-mentioned risks. A few minutes can seem like a child of eternity, because his sense of time is not the same as an adult. Allyl, the fact that children do not master the timelines and how well you do, does not give you the right to manipulate.
* What if? If it happens that in those few minutes of your absence ringing phone, or a neighbor knocked on the door ... It can be a real stress for the child. It does not know how to behave, and is already widely naplaĊĦeno various fairy tales, movies and other content. The contents of the child does not know how to explain to you verbally, but they remain in their subconscious. Do not forget, that the power of fear does not diminish the fact that the fear is irrational. So, before you leave, no matter how short it was, I always tell the child: "If the phone rings, if you want to be told, if you do not want - do not hear from you." It's very important that he is not obliged to report Natura, it is enough for him, but exciting and stressful it would be alone. "And if someone is at the door, do not open ..." Skip the explanation that this could be a thief or a wicked uncle, and that you, in principle, never opening unknown people .... because it only increases the child's fear.
* Have fun ga. Let him video tape of his favorite cartoons, the visibly leave crayons ... before you go to remind him what all can play and have fun in everything until you get back. Of course, this detailed preparation of the child is much longer than just the time you'll be away, but it significantly reduces the time a child because you fear him, in fact, helped to design their own time without you.
* Sudden fear. When you first leave the child goes smoothly, it does not mean that you have succeeded, and the departure of one of his ever resolve. First, the child needs time to process and that your first trip. Do not immediately extend the time that remains only and immediately start to the day you leave. If you make a mistake in that, it can easily happen that just when you think you've overcome another obstacle (ie, that your child is taught that stays home) once it begins to be afraid, and resists your departures. His reasons may be irrational or ridiculous to you, but it is certain that the child is very serious. Sometimes it's enough to hear a strange noise outside his apartment so that it completely undermined the safety and readiness to be without you. Show patience and take a break in their short departures. Refrain from comment: You're a big boy, it's stupid to be afraid ...
* Older siblings. If you have two or more children, it is understood that you will gradually exercise to stay in a home without you, the most practiced with the oldest child. When it overcome their initial fears, it will be easier for you to perform the same action with a younger child. (Because you will leave the younger to older). However, if it is a little difference between them in age, if you are prone to frequent fights, quarrels, squabbles - mandatory before leaving the house mention an older child to expect that everything will be fine, he entrust this important task (children love to feel useful and responsible) to ensure peace at home, and her younger child tell you that you will be back soon, everything will be fine ....
* Kindergarten. Children who attend kindergarten are already used to a certain time to be without you. That is why they mostly easier to get used to them sometimes, for short, left alone in the house. This, however, does not mean that they prepare and your patience is not necessary.
Practicing their children to stay at first for a few minutes longer and then all alone, ie. without parents - you exercise their independence. As it is important to teach children to play independently, self-tie laces, wash hands independently ... for their self-confidence, healthy self-image, a sense of security and it is important to stay alone in the house. However, more significantly, the former does not meet this ambitious and expectations of their child. Be aware of his capabilities and ages. The ideal is to recognize the right time when the child is ready and ripe for such ventures and once that fails, it has already made a new, major step in its development.
If your child has not yet learned to be just a few hours, you might want to start organizing his time. Make no mistake: we do not think it "Load" obligations to be fulfilled until you get back. If you pass to do things you normally do not like (for example, to practice tasks in mathematics, to wash dishes, wipe off the dust, get your room, throw rubbish ...), it is likely that it will not do any of that, and in addition you will feel lonely and will have a guilty conscience because mommy did not meet expectations.
Instead, suggest that your child can call the other guests or companions. Try not to think about it that will "bring down the house" and "to make stupidity" - accidents can happen, of course, but it's not likely that your child and his school friend or comrade demolished apartment. Leave in the fridge for sandwiches and material drinks, the children would not be hungry, and you want them to be pretty fun. Tell the child you will come back and try to be accurate.
If the child is quite alone, not a bad idea to call him occasionally (not too often that you would not think to control it) and to discreetly find out what it does and how it feels. In this situation, it is also desirable to tell him when you get back home and then to the right and back. When you arrive, you do not immediately see whether the crumbs on the carpet, and if something is spilled or stained, but hug the child, tell him that you missed and praise him because he was "as big" was only in the house.
Is your child ready to just stay at home?
Do you remember the movie "Home Alone"? The main message of the film is that our children are far more capable and resourceful than we about them, we think. Because of their need to protect them in all, we tend to overdo it by looking at them only weak, delicate creatures, even when they do not.
When it comes to your outings away from home and leaving the child alone in the house, I always think of his uzast. When a child can be left alone? Before 6 The do not insist that the child stays only if it really is not necessary. Remember that the first separation should be gradual and moderate. First, you will go to the store or to another place for a child to know that he is very close to your house. It is understood that their initial exodus can later gradually extended but never leave a child alone for several hours, without supervision. In pre-monitoring period is needed not only because of what the child can do, but also because its inner, psychological safety.
Offer a choice. ("Or I'll stay here, or we go along"). But if the child is not very just to stay in the apartment - do not push. No matter how much you may be convinced that it can and should remain only if the child has expressed fear - not primoravajte it, because a lot of risk. I'd rather wait a while and try again.
There are several factors that affect your child's independence and its ability to stay home alone.
Room of her own. Children who have their own room, so do not play in their room, where they spend as much as mom and dad. This attitude and keep children when they go to school. Most parents, in fact, a natural place for a desk sees his championship in his room, even though the entire first grade children sit it in some other table (the dining room or kitchen) writing assignments, in mom's presence. What does that tell you? Your children are looking for your company, and your room exclusively as a place where they sleep. Your room, your privacy and the need to be isolated from the majority of children have parents later.So, do not insist that all the toys are in the children's room, or that there is only doing homework. All these habits and the child will gain only, with your little help, but at the right time.
However, if your child wants to play in his room, and without your presence means that you will check the room well. As a child less - your control should be higher. Before the game starts to make sure the window open by accident, or maybe you just accidentally landed there scissors or other sharp object ... When you are sure that the child is completely safe no reason not to let it play out there as much as he wants. Of course, children have their own room and are happy to play in it without you, the easier it will accept your short-term departures from home. Even then observe the next few rules:
* Obavazno contact us before leaving. If you think that a child is playing and will not notice if you only a few minutes of going to the store - you risk a lot. Because, if you notice that a child does, his first reaction will be panic. Upon your arrival will long remember this trauma and I may complete sudden attachment to you, and not just the child that will not play in your room, but you will not let any of his sight, but literally, out of their hands. Such a procedure are essentially ruining your previous relationships of trust. In such cases, the child may feel betrayed, abandoned, confused, and no your subsequent explanations can not be of much help. So, no matter how playful child was in his room, he always clearly tell where you are going and when you will return (for example: I go to the store, be back in a few minutes.)
* Do not lie. If you go promising that you will arrive in a few minutes, so you no longer hours, they are doing the same, the above-mentioned risks. A few minutes can seem like a child of eternity, because his sense of time is not the same as an adult. Allyl, the fact that children do not master the timelines and how well you do, does not give you the right to manipulate.
* What if? If it happens that in those few minutes of your absence ringing phone, or a neighbor knocked on the door ... It can be a real stress for the child. It does not know how to behave, and is already widely naplaĊĦeno various fairy tales, movies and other content. The contents of the child does not know how to explain to you verbally, but they remain in their subconscious. Do not forget, that the power of fear does not diminish the fact that the fear is irrational. So, before you leave, no matter how short it was, I always tell the child: "If the phone rings, if you want to be told, if you do not want - do not hear from you." It's very important that he is not obliged to report Natura, it is enough for him, but exciting and stressful it would be alone. "And if someone is at the door, do not open ..." Skip the explanation that this could be a thief or a wicked uncle, and that you, in principle, never opening unknown people .... because it only increases the child's fear.
* Have fun ga. Let him video tape of his favorite cartoons, the visibly leave crayons ... before you go to remind him what all can play and have fun in everything until you get back. Of course, this detailed preparation of the child is much longer than just the time you'll be away, but it significantly reduces the time a child because you fear him, in fact, helped to design their own time without you.
* Sudden fear. When you first leave the child goes smoothly, it does not mean that you have succeeded, and the departure of one of his ever resolve. First, the child needs time to process and that your first trip. Do not immediately extend the time that remains only and immediately start to the day you leave. If you make a mistake in that, it can easily happen that just when you think you've overcome another obstacle (ie, that your child is taught that stays home) once it begins to be afraid, and resists your departures. His reasons may be irrational or ridiculous to you, but it is certain that the child is very serious. Sometimes it's enough to hear a strange noise outside his apartment so that it completely undermined the safety and readiness to be without you. Show patience and take a break in their short departures. Refrain from comment: You're a big boy, it's stupid to be afraid ...
* Older siblings. If you have two or more children, it is understood that you will gradually exercise to stay in a home without you, the most practiced with the oldest child. When it overcome their initial fears, it will be easier for you to perform the same action with a younger child. (Because you will leave the younger to older). However, if it is a little difference between them in age, if you are prone to frequent fights, quarrels, squabbles - mandatory before leaving the house mention an older child to expect that everything will be fine, he entrust this important task (children love to feel useful and responsible) to ensure peace at home, and her younger child tell you that you will be back soon, everything will be fine ....
* Kindergarten. Children who attend kindergarten are already used to a certain time to be without you. That is why they mostly easier to get used to them sometimes, for short, left alone in the house. This, however, does not mean that they prepare and your patience is not necessary.
Practicing their children to stay at first for a few minutes longer and then all alone, ie. without parents - you exercise their independence. As it is important to teach children to play independently, self-tie laces, wash hands independently ... for their self-confidence, healthy self-image, a sense of security and it is important to stay alone in the house. However, more significantly, the former does not meet this ambitious and expectations of their child. Be aware of his capabilities and ages. The ideal is to recognize the right time when the child is ready and ripe for such ventures and once that fails, it has already made a new, major step in its development.
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