Conflicts between parents and children
As the child enters adolescence, starts to increase conflict between parents and adolescents. The amount and intensity of the conflict differs in several families and depends on many factors. The conflict is usually the result of changes in the adolescent maturation, and how the rest of the family to adapt to these changes.
About what are usually parents and adolescents in conflict?
Conflicts usually occur about simple things such as performing daily tasks, finances, or appearance. Also, there are frequent disagreements and about family relationships, school, talking on the phone, going out, love going out, friends and sexual behavior.
Teens feel a constant tension between the need to remain close to their parents and understanding that may be independent of them.
Why is the conflict between parents and children in adolescence bigger?
During adolescence, young people are going through a period of individualization. During this time, they develop their own identity and form their own opinions, separate from the parent. This is a normal process of growing up. Also, adolescents begin to see that parents are not always right, what is called "deidealization parents." All these are consequences of changes in the ways of thinking that take place during adolescence.Then opinion adolescent becomes more abstract and more logical, and they become more interested in concepts such as justice and rights. These changes in ways of thinking enables adolescents to question parental authority and leadership. Conflict between parents and children is usually based on the different ways in which parents and their children understand and define the rules and family events. Adolescents often feel that many things should be a matter of personal choice, not the parents, it's some sort of rule (custom). For example: Parent: "When you're under my roof, your room must be clean." Adolescent: "This is my room, therefore, it can be whatever I want it to be."
When conflict becomes problematic?
Conflict tends to increase during early (12-14 years), and even during middle adolescence (15-17 years), and reduction in late adolescence (18-20 years). It is believed that the main emotion is anger associated with the conflict, and is accompanied by anxiety, frustration and guilt.
The conflict becomes problematic when:
• anger becomes too often
• anger becomes too strong
• anger lasts long
• anger leads to aggression
• anger interferes with work or relationship
Who is at risk of conflict problem?
When conflict becomes problematic in early adolescence, it continues to be problematic and later in adolescence. Teens and parents are at greater risk of conflict if:
• there is a conflict or marital divorce is pending
• Teens are in a position to have to adapt to a new family
• the family itself is unstable, or if the parents behave inconsistently by adolescents.
How teenagers are changing, what is happening with parental power?
• The conflict will be more common among mothers and adolescents because they were more commonly associated with children predadolescentnom period.
• It seems that during adolescence, children develop greater power over their mothers, which can be interpreted as impertinent answer.
• The sons also become physically larger and more aggressive than either parent, thus minimizing their parental power.
As the conflict between parents and children mean for their relationship?
Despite the fact that parents and adolescents often argue, it usually does not threaten their relationship. In fact, most adolescents feel about the admiration of parents, and about how to contact them for advice about the feeling of love and acceptance. The vast majority of adolescent love and respect their parents. The conflict in this period of life is simply a normal part of growing up. These everyday disagreements and less complaining facilitate the transition from adolescent children's dependence on parents to greater independence of adulthood.
Some of the techniques of dealing with conflict
Although some parents want their teens to grow up overnight, they still recognize that it's not possible.What follows is a few ideas that may help parents and adolescents on the road to adulthood:
• Try to take the needs of adolescents, which will all help you to be the parent of a greater impact.
• Treat adolescents with equality thus reducing the likelihood of delinquent behavior.
• Accept that conflict can be a positive help in reducing hostility. Conflict resolution is not an easy task, and it depends on how people decide to deal with it. The very desire to resolve the conflict in a positive way to contribute to the final outcome.
Source: ss-ri.hr
Do not argue in front of children
One of the things that the vast majority believe (which does not mean that it will always adhere to it) is that one should not argue in front of children. In many conflict where it does indeed make sense, but an argument in front of children may not always be bad.
The problem with the argument is that very few people are able to do so in a civilized manner. All too often overwhelmed by emotions, forget everything that is known about arguing constructively, comes down to mutual insults and his expulsion at any cost. Too often, the conflict is not the way to solve that problem, it's a race who's gonna win, to overcome, and even if it hurt a loved one. Certainly this is not something that should be done in front of children, especially the little that I can never understand why mom and dad yelling at each other, why mommy is crying - all children feel in such situations the confusion and fear, terrible fear of it will be abandoned. And, often, the sense of guilt, as if she did something wrong.
However, there are those who are able to confront in a civilized manner. Without luck, without insults, without attempting to "win." That would be for children to be valuable to attend. Not that it really should be invited to observe you while you are in conflict, but they will not hurt if you happen to be already there. In this way, they offer children a valuable lesson about how adults resolve their conflicts, how to deal with them.
A little child who is fortunate enough to see in your own home this way of solving conflicts (people we bring our emotions, it really is not easy to always behave measured). If you are able to be arguing in this way, the child will learn a quarrel more than theoretical advice, how many would in principle need to discuss the problem, and the child will believe this argument much more than a theoretical explaining your loved one after which you throw at something.
If you know how to be arguing in this way, that argue in front of children - will not harm them.
Source: Cruiser
Can you be fighting?
Discussion, verbal conflicts, conflicts in general are an integral part of our lives. However, while all of the occasional fight - differ in how to do it, and if our arguments have long-term negative consequences or positive result.
When a child learns to listen to him and that there is no need to fuss, they will try to tell you everything you want a normal tone.
The most common problem when the feud was not listening to each other in an appropriate manner. Just like many other skills, so be constructive and non-violent communication cursing constant learning exercise. This includes specific exercises to try to listen to what your interlocutor story, watch it in your eyes, no insult to say calm and do not act out more soreness than you really feel. To consider and, if possible, offer some solutions, or at least make an effort to end the debate by any agreement, not an explosion of ugly words.
Broil WHEN YOU AND PARTNER
Occasional fights are normal, normal, even healthy phenomenon in intimate relationships. The links in that much unsaid (for peace in the house, or the neighbors would not be heard, or some other reason) means a lot of repressed, meandering emotions that will eventually have to emerge out. However, when you fight with your partner you need to pay attention to whether your children are present.
* Keep the child
Simply tell him you need to talk something it does not need to hear. The first time such a statement may sound shocking child, but also saving the risks to further confuse or frighten while listening to your argument. In addition, you show him that you are not equal in everything, ie. that there is a special field of privacy between you and your partner and the child does not need to have access.
* Explain
If your child wants to know what you are talking about, or says he is heard shouting, or raises sensitive issues - try to satisfy his curiosity. First, explain to him that all people sometimes argue that many people to help them solve their problems. When you explain to him that fights occasionally occur in all families, to remind him of his conflicts with friends, or some of your mutual conflicts. So it will be easier to accept the fact that sometimes they argue that loves the most. The child answer questions calmly and without the emotional turns and minimize criticism of recrimination or other participant argument, ie. your partner (usually the other parent). Why is this important? A child of the other parent infinitely loving, just like you, and I do not understand your reasons for anger. Further, a conflict will survive much longer and more painful than you. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow to the fight, but the child is still remembered and survived, interpreted in their own way - depending on the age, maturity, and general family atmosphere ...
* A child is not a friend, nor ally
Do not "use" as a child to whom you entrust especially do not ask him to support the criticism of dads. It is not your friend, nor your ally. If your problems are more profound and important enough to be familiar with them and the child - first wait for the more calm to talk with kids performed without major emotional outbursts. After all, the child is less, so much the events in the family more identified with him. Or, if you are in good spirits, and he thinks that it helped. If you have a bad mood, thinking that it was the main cause for this. If a lot of fighting with my dad thinks it is wrong. Also, in the imagination of preschoolers, very strong. If there is not enough reliable information, the child they just formed in my head. Interpreting your argument, asking the cause in itself, it is sad and feeling lonely. That's why he always say and what you think you know, and it goes without saying - that no strife can not change your love and that you love the likes unchanged and Dad (or Mom).
ARGUMENTS BETWEEN YOU AND CHILD
Numerous studies have shown that, as children get older, especially when you are in puberty - more crystallizes the main problem in communicating with parents. It is their feeling that their parents are not respected. Keep that in mind the next time you argue with your child. Consider whether that same talk, the same can not react the same way when they were arguing believed (and you showed it to him and proved) to get it, regardless of the current argument, however, appreciate.
When you're fighting with your child, your basic rules of conduct should include:
* Understand your child very seriously. Although his reasons you can not do silly or irrelevant, they were for him at this point is very important. To him seriously, try to imagine yourself in his age, with his current needs and interests.
* Watch a child in the eye, that he will "hold attention" and focus on you. Show him that you have time for it, take your time. If you let him tell all he wants, and you'll hear what you did not expect, and it is perhaps here lies the nub of the problem.
* Focus on what it tells you, show you're listening to. Do not interrupt him in mid-sentence. If you are mad, resort to the old "medicine": brojte inside the 5 before answering.
* Try as much as possible to talk without shouting. When a child learns to listen to him and that there is no need to fuss, they will try to tell you everything you want a normal tone of voice, and it will make your argument to turn the conversation. Also, if you find that you have a common problem, to agree in opinion (as opposed to each their advocates), Fight problem, not each other, or are looking for a solution together.
The quarrel between brothers and sisters
When you have two or more children, avoid telling them: "Do not quarrel" - as if, instead of strife, which often begin learning communication, learn to repress emotions, to remain silent, suffering and "swallow", not only will a thrive hard to establish a good mutual contact, but will learn to approach problems in a passive way.
ARGUMENTS between children - in other
If your child has a fight with another child (in the park, kindergarten, school, ...), the basic rule is: no interference. When your child is upset or crying came running, do not immediately say, "I'll handle it."First, the child does not require you to fix his problem, but to understand and provide comfort.
Refrain from interfering with the child's conflicts, not only because they are fighting part of the game, but because it's not your problem. No matter how your intentions were good, it is more important that a child learn how to independently solve problems with their peers, but to come and help in resolving a particular conflict. In addition, if you "lose" limit the cases in which your help is needed, and that totally unnecessary - you show that you have confidence in your child that may be independent personal choices, even in situations where it involves. This will undermine the very his confidence. Also, each child quickly learns that if you successfully solve their problems with their peers, it has no reason to try. So his expectations suddenly increased a lot, even for little things that do not should not deserve your attention, and the child becomes more and more uncertain nesamostalnije.
Prevent and not - treat
Arguments with children can sometimes be prevented. After all, kids do things their parents allow them.However, many of them allow more than is desirable because it does not know how to set the limits of his authority. For example, if your daughter comes later after the release of the agreed period, and it bothers you - it is clear that such behavior will eventually lead to an argument. To avoid this, try to immediately establish otherwise. Explain why specifically against her staying out longer and find a solution that will both you and she to be satisfied (eg, can remain long after noon when they go to school or on weekends ...). Also refer to the penalties that apply if you continue to disregard your agreement. Penalties should be gradual and to increase the "offense", with the strictest complete ban on the release.
Exception
The only exception when you have surrendered to the rule of non-interference in the quarrels and conflicts that the child has a physical calculation. Or, in the case of fighting, the violence that your child does not know how to react adequately - you react.
How to react in such cases?
Talk to adults who are in close proximity - educators, teachers, professionals to kindergarten or school, if necessary, and parents of children with the abuser. Also, begin to teach your child self-defense are inserted, not only verbal but also physical. Much talk, show a willingness to be fully versed in his life, give him unconditional support. No cut his emotions, ie. allow it to be discharged (cry, bailing on us, "istutnji") because many of the children, just like adults, then they are able to think rationally about certain issues. In other words, teach your child to think and to work with you is the solution, until one day, for it is not just age.
As the child enters adolescence, starts to increase conflict between parents and adolescents. The amount and intensity of the conflict differs in several families and depends on many factors. The conflict is usually the result of changes in the adolescent maturation, and how the rest of the family to adapt to these changes.
About what are usually parents and adolescents in conflict?
Conflicts usually occur about simple things such as performing daily tasks, finances, or appearance. Also, there are frequent disagreements and about family relationships, school, talking on the phone, going out, love going out, friends and sexual behavior.
Teens feel a constant tension between the need to remain close to their parents and understanding that may be independent of them.
Why is the conflict between parents and children in adolescence bigger?
During adolescence, young people are going through a period of individualization. During this time, they develop their own identity and form their own opinions, separate from the parent. This is a normal process of growing up. Also, adolescents begin to see that parents are not always right, what is called "deidealization parents." All these are consequences of changes in the ways of thinking that take place during adolescence.Then opinion adolescent becomes more abstract and more logical, and they become more interested in concepts such as justice and rights. These changes in ways of thinking enables adolescents to question parental authority and leadership. Conflict between parents and children is usually based on the different ways in which parents and their children understand and define the rules and family events. Adolescents often feel that many things should be a matter of personal choice, not the parents, it's some sort of rule (custom). For example: Parent: "When you're under my roof, your room must be clean." Adolescent: "This is my room, therefore, it can be whatever I want it to be."
When conflict becomes problematic?
Conflict tends to increase during early (12-14 years), and even during middle adolescence (15-17 years), and reduction in late adolescence (18-20 years). It is believed that the main emotion is anger associated with the conflict, and is accompanied by anxiety, frustration and guilt.
The conflict becomes problematic when:
• anger becomes too often
• anger becomes too strong
• anger lasts long
• anger leads to aggression
• anger interferes with work or relationship
Who is at risk of conflict problem?
When conflict becomes problematic in early adolescence, it continues to be problematic and later in adolescence. Teens and parents are at greater risk of conflict if:
• there is a conflict or marital divorce is pending
• Teens are in a position to have to adapt to a new family
• the family itself is unstable, or if the parents behave inconsistently by adolescents.
How teenagers are changing, what is happening with parental power?
• The conflict will be more common among mothers and adolescents because they were more commonly associated with children predadolescentnom period.
• It seems that during adolescence, children develop greater power over their mothers, which can be interpreted as impertinent answer.
• The sons also become physically larger and more aggressive than either parent, thus minimizing their parental power.
As the conflict between parents and children mean for their relationship?
Despite the fact that parents and adolescents often argue, it usually does not threaten their relationship. In fact, most adolescents feel about the admiration of parents, and about how to contact them for advice about the feeling of love and acceptance. The vast majority of adolescent love and respect their parents. The conflict in this period of life is simply a normal part of growing up. These everyday disagreements and less complaining facilitate the transition from adolescent children's dependence on parents to greater independence of adulthood.
Some of the techniques of dealing with conflict
Although some parents want their teens to grow up overnight, they still recognize that it's not possible.What follows is a few ideas that may help parents and adolescents on the road to adulthood:
• Try to take the needs of adolescents, which will all help you to be the parent of a greater impact.
• Treat adolescents with equality thus reducing the likelihood of delinquent behavior.
• Accept that conflict can be a positive help in reducing hostility. Conflict resolution is not an easy task, and it depends on how people decide to deal with it. The very desire to resolve the conflict in a positive way to contribute to the final outcome.
Source: ss-ri.hr
Do not argue in front of children
One of the things that the vast majority believe (which does not mean that it will always adhere to it) is that one should not argue in front of children. In many conflict where it does indeed make sense, but an argument in front of children may not always be bad.
The problem with the argument is that very few people are able to do so in a civilized manner. All too often overwhelmed by emotions, forget everything that is known about arguing constructively, comes down to mutual insults and his expulsion at any cost. Too often, the conflict is not the way to solve that problem, it's a race who's gonna win, to overcome, and even if it hurt a loved one. Certainly this is not something that should be done in front of children, especially the little that I can never understand why mom and dad yelling at each other, why mommy is crying - all children feel in such situations the confusion and fear, terrible fear of it will be abandoned. And, often, the sense of guilt, as if she did something wrong.
However, there are those who are able to confront in a civilized manner. Without luck, without insults, without attempting to "win." That would be for children to be valuable to attend. Not that it really should be invited to observe you while you are in conflict, but they will not hurt if you happen to be already there. In this way, they offer children a valuable lesson about how adults resolve their conflicts, how to deal with them.
A little child who is fortunate enough to see in your own home this way of solving conflicts (people we bring our emotions, it really is not easy to always behave measured). If you are able to be arguing in this way, the child will learn a quarrel more than theoretical advice, how many would in principle need to discuss the problem, and the child will believe this argument much more than a theoretical explaining your loved one after which you throw at something.
If you know how to be arguing in this way, that argue in front of children - will not harm them.
Source: Cruiser
Can you be fighting?
Discussion, verbal conflicts, conflicts in general are an integral part of our lives. However, while all of the occasional fight - differ in how to do it, and if our arguments have long-term negative consequences or positive result.
When a child learns to listen to him and that there is no need to fuss, they will try to tell you everything you want a normal tone.
The most common problem when the feud was not listening to each other in an appropriate manner. Just like many other skills, so be constructive and non-violent communication cursing constant learning exercise. This includes specific exercises to try to listen to what your interlocutor story, watch it in your eyes, no insult to say calm and do not act out more soreness than you really feel. To consider and, if possible, offer some solutions, or at least make an effort to end the debate by any agreement, not an explosion of ugly words.
Broil WHEN YOU AND PARTNER
Occasional fights are normal, normal, even healthy phenomenon in intimate relationships. The links in that much unsaid (for peace in the house, or the neighbors would not be heard, or some other reason) means a lot of repressed, meandering emotions that will eventually have to emerge out. However, when you fight with your partner you need to pay attention to whether your children are present.
* Keep the child
Simply tell him you need to talk something it does not need to hear. The first time such a statement may sound shocking child, but also saving the risks to further confuse or frighten while listening to your argument. In addition, you show him that you are not equal in everything, ie. that there is a special field of privacy between you and your partner and the child does not need to have access.
* Explain
If your child wants to know what you are talking about, or says he is heard shouting, or raises sensitive issues - try to satisfy his curiosity. First, explain to him that all people sometimes argue that many people to help them solve their problems. When you explain to him that fights occasionally occur in all families, to remind him of his conflicts with friends, or some of your mutual conflicts. So it will be easier to accept the fact that sometimes they argue that loves the most. The child answer questions calmly and without the emotional turns and minimize criticism of recrimination or other participant argument, ie. your partner (usually the other parent). Why is this important? A child of the other parent infinitely loving, just like you, and I do not understand your reasons for anger. Further, a conflict will survive much longer and more painful than you. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow to the fight, but the child is still remembered and survived, interpreted in their own way - depending on the age, maturity, and general family atmosphere ...
* A child is not a friend, nor ally
Do not "use" as a child to whom you entrust especially do not ask him to support the criticism of dads. It is not your friend, nor your ally. If your problems are more profound and important enough to be familiar with them and the child - first wait for the more calm to talk with kids performed without major emotional outbursts. After all, the child is less, so much the events in the family more identified with him. Or, if you are in good spirits, and he thinks that it helped. If you have a bad mood, thinking that it was the main cause for this. If a lot of fighting with my dad thinks it is wrong. Also, in the imagination of preschoolers, very strong. If there is not enough reliable information, the child they just formed in my head. Interpreting your argument, asking the cause in itself, it is sad and feeling lonely. That's why he always say and what you think you know, and it goes without saying - that no strife can not change your love and that you love the likes unchanged and Dad (or Mom).
ARGUMENTS BETWEEN YOU AND CHILD
Numerous studies have shown that, as children get older, especially when you are in puberty - more crystallizes the main problem in communicating with parents. It is their feeling that their parents are not respected. Keep that in mind the next time you argue with your child. Consider whether that same talk, the same can not react the same way when they were arguing believed (and you showed it to him and proved) to get it, regardless of the current argument, however, appreciate.
When you're fighting with your child, your basic rules of conduct should include:
* Understand your child very seriously. Although his reasons you can not do silly or irrelevant, they were for him at this point is very important. To him seriously, try to imagine yourself in his age, with his current needs and interests.
* Watch a child in the eye, that he will "hold attention" and focus on you. Show him that you have time for it, take your time. If you let him tell all he wants, and you'll hear what you did not expect, and it is perhaps here lies the nub of the problem.
* Focus on what it tells you, show you're listening to. Do not interrupt him in mid-sentence. If you are mad, resort to the old "medicine": brojte inside the 5 before answering.
* Try as much as possible to talk without shouting. When a child learns to listen to him and that there is no need to fuss, they will try to tell you everything you want a normal tone of voice, and it will make your argument to turn the conversation. Also, if you find that you have a common problem, to agree in opinion (as opposed to each their advocates), Fight problem, not each other, or are looking for a solution together.
The quarrel between brothers and sisters
When you have two or more children, avoid telling them: "Do not quarrel" - as if, instead of strife, which often begin learning communication, learn to repress emotions, to remain silent, suffering and "swallow", not only will a thrive hard to establish a good mutual contact, but will learn to approach problems in a passive way.
ARGUMENTS between children - in other
If your child has a fight with another child (in the park, kindergarten, school, ...), the basic rule is: no interference. When your child is upset or crying came running, do not immediately say, "I'll handle it."First, the child does not require you to fix his problem, but to understand and provide comfort.
Refrain from interfering with the child's conflicts, not only because they are fighting part of the game, but because it's not your problem. No matter how your intentions were good, it is more important that a child learn how to independently solve problems with their peers, but to come and help in resolving a particular conflict. In addition, if you "lose" limit the cases in which your help is needed, and that totally unnecessary - you show that you have confidence in your child that may be independent personal choices, even in situations where it involves. This will undermine the very his confidence. Also, each child quickly learns that if you successfully solve their problems with their peers, it has no reason to try. So his expectations suddenly increased a lot, even for little things that do not should not deserve your attention, and the child becomes more and more uncertain nesamostalnije.
Prevent and not - treat
Arguments with children can sometimes be prevented. After all, kids do things their parents allow them.However, many of them allow more than is desirable because it does not know how to set the limits of his authority. For example, if your daughter comes later after the release of the agreed period, and it bothers you - it is clear that such behavior will eventually lead to an argument. To avoid this, try to immediately establish otherwise. Explain why specifically against her staying out longer and find a solution that will both you and she to be satisfied (eg, can remain long after noon when they go to school or on weekends ...). Also refer to the penalties that apply if you continue to disregard your agreement. Penalties should be gradual and to increase the "offense", with the strictest complete ban on the release.
Exception
The only exception when you have surrendered to the rule of non-interference in the quarrels and conflicts that the child has a physical calculation. Or, in the case of fighting, the violence that your child does not know how to react adequately - you react.
How to react in such cases?
Talk to adults who are in close proximity - educators, teachers, professionals to kindergarten or school, if necessary, and parents of children with the abuser. Also, begin to teach your child self-defense are inserted, not only verbal but also physical. Much talk, show a willingness to be fully versed in his life, give him unconditional support. No cut his emotions, ie. allow it to be discharged (cry, bailing on us, "istutnji") because many of the children, just like adults, then they are able to think rationally about certain issues. In other words, teach your child to think and to work with you is the solution, until one day, for it is not just age.
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