Talking to teenagers can be like passing a minefield. Ask a question that seems simple and you seriously, and you run into an explosion. The problem is that you ask questions!
Studies have confirmed our instincts - the best remedy against risky behavior in children is a quality relationship with their parents. Believe it or not, our children will love us and want us in their lives!
Recent research by the 'Girl Scout of America' showed that girls aged between 10 and 12 years old want to be involved in their mother's life more than ever.
The trick is to stay involved in the right way, so that you do not refuse. Watch out! The biggest trigger that turns them off from communication with their parents, according to the teenagers and those a little younger, the way the questions are asked.
Michele Borba, a consultant for the education and parenting, has compiled a list of the seven worst questions you can ask adolescents. Teach them how to prevent cheating, and ask the question with which you can get a better response and reaction (or at least stay in the same room with you).
First So how did you spend / day?
Generic and stereotypical questions like 'Have you had a good time last night?' or 'How was school today?'do not go in adolescents. They see it as insincere and predictable. Children between 10-12 years have put them on the list of most hated. In addition, you will get nothing but 'good' for an answer.
Better question: What do your friends say about the new album ...?
Ask a question that requires more than a yes / no answers, and it seems like you're really interested in what you have to say. If you post a question regarding their interests, you will get bonus points. PS Make sure you do not do it with something else, like writing SMS or watching TV, because they hate you and you do not seem interested.
Second Why did not you tell / told to leave you alone?
Bullying among children peaks between the ages of 10 to 12 years and a lot of the subject than before. One of three children of that age in the United States participate in bullying, either as a victim or an abuser.Children often do not tell their parents that they are being abused because they fear humiliation or condemnation, and you say, 'Tell him to leave you alone!', Which gives them the worst advice you can give.Children at this age can not fight for themselves, and they need help. In addition, bullying is deliberate cruelty and will not stop just because someone tells them to, and can cause serious psychological problems.
Better question: Where did this happen?
Be specific to help your child create a safe plan. The questions indicate whether children believe them. This kind of abuse often occurs at the same time and the same place, and ques questions like "Who was involved? ',' Where is the least feel safe? ' and so on.
3rd What's she wearing?
Materialism is more pronounced among adolescents, and to tailor the marketing to children of that age. It is also a time when children form identity and are the most sensitive. Children of this age will easily believe that the clothes you wear tailor their status and affects specific targets (75 percent of children aged 8 to 12 years old wants to be rich). Those with low self-esteem are valued more materially than those with higher self-esteem.
Better question: What do you like about it?
Instead of asking yourself questions about the material, thus giving him the importance, ask your child about values such as loyalty, talent, character, and prijeteljstvu fun!
4th Why you gotta be so delicate / sensitive?
Puberty is a period of turbulent hormones, in fact, it is happening in the body changes more than in any other period of life. The area of the brain that regulates emotions of teenagers are still developing. So swings and extremes are nothing strange. One more thing - do not tease them, they will take it personal. And they should never mess Discipline or child in front of friends and peers. So make sure you're safe period of ignorance.
Better question: You seem distressed. She / you had a bad day? Do you need a hug?
Turn the emotions, respect your child's feelings and forget the sarcasm. Watch your nonverbal cues, such as raising eyebrows. Teenagers are especially sensitive to these expressions and from more than reading off the conversation.
5th Why did you do / have done? (Even worse: What did you think / thought?)
Expect your child to be impulsive and a bit silly. Their prefrontal cortex is still developing, and this is the place in the brain where decision-making and controlling impulses. So often do not know the reason for his actions. So often the pale face when you ask them, 'Why did you do that?'
Better question: What did you think / thought it was going to happen? What will you do next time?
With them, it's best not to use the question 'why'. Chances are you will not know. Instead, use the 'what', to force them to think. It will not stop their 'do not know' answers, but it will make them think before they do something. And maybe even help them in this situation next.
6th Why do not you tell / say no???
The need to adapt too big. In fact, never be that strong. Children of this age say they are the worst advice that parents can give them 'Just say no!' (As per 'Boys and Girls Club of America' in 2006. Was carried out on 46 thousand children between 13 and 18 years). What they want is a clear strategy on how to withstand peer.
Better question: A friend is hard to say no. Have you tried / try ...?
Together, come up with a solution how to resist. Think about how it will behave the next time friends urge him to something they want. Can be drawn on the parents who are waiting for him, or a relative who smoked and died of cancer, and he has promised that he will never ...
7th Why not just get over it and go on with life?
Peer relationships are critical at this age and play an important role in the lives of adolescents. It was the first time and falling in love. As much as you are arguing with friends or breakup with first love seemed innocuous enough, do not make light of their pain. It is intense and real.
Better question: I'm sorry that it happened. You want to walk?
Show some compassion. Interruptions at that age really break your heart. Be available, understanding, give them support and persuade the child to an activity, especially on weekends. Do not ask, 'What happened?'or 'What went wrong?'. I do not insist on the details. It will tell you when they themselves be comfortable enough to talk about it. In those moments, just be there.
Studies have confirmed our instincts - the best remedy against risky behavior in children is a quality relationship with their parents. Believe it or not, our children will love us and want us in their lives!
Recent research by the 'Girl Scout of America' showed that girls aged between 10 and 12 years old want to be involved in their mother's life more than ever.
The trick is to stay involved in the right way, so that you do not refuse. Watch out! The biggest trigger that turns them off from communication with their parents, according to the teenagers and those a little younger, the way the questions are asked.
Michele Borba, a consultant for the education and parenting, has compiled a list of the seven worst questions you can ask adolescents. Teach them how to prevent cheating, and ask the question with which you can get a better response and reaction (or at least stay in the same room with you).
First So how did you spend / day?
Generic and stereotypical questions like 'Have you had a good time last night?' or 'How was school today?'do not go in adolescents. They see it as insincere and predictable. Children between 10-12 years have put them on the list of most hated. In addition, you will get nothing but 'good' for an answer.
Better question: What do your friends say about the new album ...?
Ask a question that requires more than a yes / no answers, and it seems like you're really interested in what you have to say. If you post a question regarding their interests, you will get bonus points. PS Make sure you do not do it with something else, like writing SMS or watching TV, because they hate you and you do not seem interested.
Second Why did not you tell / told to leave you alone?
Bullying among children peaks between the ages of 10 to 12 years and a lot of the subject than before. One of three children of that age in the United States participate in bullying, either as a victim or an abuser.Children often do not tell their parents that they are being abused because they fear humiliation or condemnation, and you say, 'Tell him to leave you alone!', Which gives them the worst advice you can give.Children at this age can not fight for themselves, and they need help. In addition, bullying is deliberate cruelty and will not stop just because someone tells them to, and can cause serious psychological problems.
Better question: Where did this happen?
Be specific to help your child create a safe plan. The questions indicate whether children believe them. This kind of abuse often occurs at the same time and the same place, and ques questions like "Who was involved? ',' Where is the least feel safe? ' and so on.
3rd What's she wearing?
Materialism is more pronounced among adolescents, and to tailor the marketing to children of that age. It is also a time when children form identity and are the most sensitive. Children of this age will easily believe that the clothes you wear tailor their status and affects specific targets (75 percent of children aged 8 to 12 years old wants to be rich). Those with low self-esteem are valued more materially than those with higher self-esteem.
Better question: What do you like about it?
Instead of asking yourself questions about the material, thus giving him the importance, ask your child about values such as loyalty, talent, character, and prijeteljstvu fun!
4th Why you gotta be so delicate / sensitive?
Puberty is a period of turbulent hormones, in fact, it is happening in the body changes more than in any other period of life. The area of the brain that regulates emotions of teenagers are still developing. So swings and extremes are nothing strange. One more thing - do not tease them, they will take it personal. And they should never mess Discipline or child in front of friends and peers. So make sure you're safe period of ignorance.
Better question: You seem distressed. She / you had a bad day? Do you need a hug?
Turn the emotions, respect your child's feelings and forget the sarcasm. Watch your nonverbal cues, such as raising eyebrows. Teenagers are especially sensitive to these expressions and from more than reading off the conversation.
5th Why did you do / have done? (Even worse: What did you think / thought?)
Expect your child to be impulsive and a bit silly. Their prefrontal cortex is still developing, and this is the place in the brain where decision-making and controlling impulses. So often do not know the reason for his actions. So often the pale face when you ask them, 'Why did you do that?'
Better question: What did you think / thought it was going to happen? What will you do next time?
With them, it's best not to use the question 'why'. Chances are you will not know. Instead, use the 'what', to force them to think. It will not stop their 'do not know' answers, but it will make them think before they do something. And maybe even help them in this situation next.
6th Why do not you tell / say no???
The need to adapt too big. In fact, never be that strong. Children of this age say they are the worst advice that parents can give them 'Just say no!' (As per 'Boys and Girls Club of America' in 2006. Was carried out on 46 thousand children between 13 and 18 years). What they want is a clear strategy on how to withstand peer.
Better question: A friend is hard to say no. Have you tried / try ...?
Together, come up with a solution how to resist. Think about how it will behave the next time friends urge him to something they want. Can be drawn on the parents who are waiting for him, or a relative who smoked and died of cancer, and he has promised that he will never ...
7th Why not just get over it and go on with life?
Peer relationships are critical at this age and play an important role in the lives of adolescents. It was the first time and falling in love. As much as you are arguing with friends or breakup with first love seemed innocuous enough, do not make light of their pain. It is intense and real.
Better question: I'm sorry that it happened. You want to walk?
Show some compassion. Interruptions at that age really break your heart. Be available, understanding, give them support and persuade the child to an activity, especially on weekends. Do not ask, 'What happened?'or 'What went wrong?'. I do not insist on the details. It will tell you when they themselves be comfortable enough to talk about it. In those moments, just be there.
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