Saturday, January 12, 2013

It's hard being a stepmother

Stepmother is difficult because the mother is the primary parent, and the relationship is complicated especially if you have a stepdaughter of puberty. Neither stepfather is not always easy to become familiar with the child. 

Being a parent is very difficult and responsible job, but even more difficult role to be a stepmother or stepfather, because no matter how hard you try, you will guarantee that create a harmonious and happy family there.

Psychologists tell us that families in which there is a stepmother or stepfather have a different dynamic than the "regular" and were often men and women are faced with prejudice, stereotypes, and unrealistic expectations that accompany this type of family relationships.

Biological parents are not burdened by the fact that no child has to earn the trust, because they believe their children unconditionally, and are ready to forgive them mistakes. With a stepmother or stepfather is not the case. They have to make more effort to gain the trust of the child and the family in which they enter.

The wicked stepmother in fairy tales, and children tend to accept the "new mother" but her stepfather, experts say. When a new woman comes into the house, she is "against" itself not only children but also the biological mother, and her position is very difficult, especially if it's for her, and there was a divorce.

It's easier when children are young, the change is more easily transcends, but when it comes to older children who already understand the relationship, they feel loyalty to his mother and take her views on her stepmother, it is very difficult to establish a relationship.

The stepfather was in a better situation because the mother primary parent, and the children of her new partner much easier to accept. So be patient and slowly build a relationship because gradualism is the only way to succeed.

Here are tips on how to be a psychologist you better stepmother or stepfather.

Do not expect to be a happy family overnight, because studies show that it takes more than five years to all "come to her". At first you'll probably feel excluded and redundant, but you must be patient. Stepchildren do not allow rudeness, nor give in on everything, but do not try to enforce discipline on the first day.

In an effort to appeal to children, there may be too much to tolerate, buying them gifts and to circumvent the rules. This tactic is very poor because the kids are excellent manipulators and so you will not buy their affection. Instead, try to work together, "ordinary" things and connect through shared experiences.

From start to set as the parent, but watch out for the border and in the lives of children entering slowly, respecting them. Be fair and correct, but also caring and gentle when needed. Meet the needs of all children without any expectation that you will get something in return.

Give them time to get to know you, to show you are willing to listen, and to share with them their experiences. Do not run from conflict, as psychologists claim that establishes a relationship once the children start with you, to fight, and not Tuzak you to your mother or father.

It is also important to know that children are not opposed to you how much of their biological parents.Although these children will never be a mother or father, you can fall in love, become friends and have a nice relationship.

Dont give up when you think that you children will never accept. Cultivate a good relationship with your partner and be prepared to be tired and angry, and unhappy. I never talk bad about their biological parents, or insist that they call you "mom" or "dad", psychologists advise. If you do the kids will feel like you have to choose, and the choice you have great chances. It is very important that the ex-wife or husband have as fair.

You must also bear in mind that children want time alone with their parents, so do not always have to be pushy. It is a common mistake and stepmother, stepfather, and can disrupt and even built a relationship.When you encourage your husband or wife to be alone with their children, so you send a message that they do not compete for the affection of your partner and you want to be nice Stepchildren.

Many couples neglect their marriage in order to strengthen the connection of the new partners and their children. It is a big mistake, because the children really important to see that you agree with the new wife or husband. Do not be conceited, it is very likely that the child will favor the parent and sometimes deliberately ignore you and to feel bad. Sometimes the biological mother or father put pressure on your child not to accept a stepmother or stepfather, so be aware that the child is equally as difficult to you, write "news".

It really is not easy to maintain a relationship with your partner, children endure rudeness, to fit into a new environment and meet the high expectations of many. But it is possible, experts say. Partner to help you, you need to have support and a strong desire to succeed.

Think about what you expect. You can not replace a child's father or mother, but you can develop a harmonious relationship if they gain confidence.

If you are the biological mother or father of your children do not make it difficult to speak ill of her stepmother or stepfather, no matter how angry, betrayed or hurt. Children will create a lot of problems if they enforce the view that adopting the "new parents" let you down. It is especially hard for people who do not have their biological children, experts say, because they are entering into a new, unknown to them and relate to them need time to adjust. Accepting life in a converted family and the child and the stepmother or stepfather is a long and difficult process.

It often happens to children after a divorce is very attached to the parent with whom they live, so they each person who takes my mom's or dad's attention seems like a threat. Research shows that it is particularly difficult to establish a relationship with the girls who are going through puberty, because they stepmother often seen as rivals and trespassers. 

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