How to discipline someone else's child?

What if you have been entrusted to the care of someone else's child who is very disobedient

We recently received an interesting mail, namely a reader asked us to help her in the following situation: a neighbor with whom a good relationship, no matter what it is that her neighbors mad at her children and her intrusion into the word when you solve problems with children or interfere in her upbringing.

So we've decided to write something on the subject of discipline other people's children. But to begin to answer a reader - you should not allow others to interfere with your education of children, even if it meant that you will offend the person. If it is your real friend will listen to you and appreciate your comments.

Let us return now to the topic - namely, when I was small and badly behaved, the punishment would come from my parents, and when one of my friends, who was visiting with me or in care, being disobedient, and they were subject to "critique" of my parents. These days however the rules disciplining other people's children has changed. Society is increasingly sensitive to the rights and needs of children, and this is definitely positive, but it should be noted that this leads to many confusing situations. What if you have been entrusted to the care of someone else's child who is a tyrant? What you can do to curb this child?

Our view is that it never comes to excessive interference in someone else's education, if you do this to protect the child. The truth is that none of us wants to offend the parents of that child, but when the behavior of the child (which you at that time entrusted to the care of) dangerous and harmful to himself or other children - you can not just ignore it. But exactly how to react - it depends on the circumstances, and you must take into account the reaction of the parents of that child. So what do you do?

First First, agree with the other parents about appropriate behavior and the possible penalties. Every time you're responsible for someone else's child, always meet with parents and talk to them. Exchange information with them about how the reaction in "crisis" situations. Ask them: "Do you have a special rule that we should keep it?", "What is not allowed?", "How do you respond in these situations?" ... Such a child will get a consistent behavior of adults, and you will know how best to respond in case of problem situations.

Second Immediately specify rules. Explain the rules as soon as they arrive to you, and you can even write them down on paper and paste it somewhere that will see them. So children will immediately know that some things "do not pass."

Third Know limits of punishment. Most parents have no problem with it that their children become familiar with the "game rules" in your house or even punish them in case of disobedience. The problem occurs when using an inappropriate sentence. Here are some general rules: You must never beat him or someone else's child is otherwise physically (or mentally) to threaten. You must not judge him ("You're so bad"). You should not he take his personal belongings. And most importantly (and this is related question for our readers) never discipline someone else's child in front of his parents. No matter what that child is doing, the parent is responsible for their child. What you can do is take the child by the hand and lead him to his parents and repeat your "house rules" in front of their parents - "We have said that the ball is not in the house / throwing toys / square flowers ...".

4th Keep your safety is first. Always react in the event of security breaches - aggression (hitting, biting, shoving ...) or risky behavior (climbing on the balcony, running with a sharp object in his hands ...).

5th Appropriate sentence - react the way you have agreed with the parent of the child. In the case of unforeseen and undisputed circumstances - do this: First, give your child understand that what he was doing was wrong. If it does not stop, make a criticism of the behavior, not criticism of him as a person, but the bad behavior. If that does not bear fruit following the threat of punishment, and finally implementing the sentence. Jelena Vrsaljko, TA psychotherapist at the Center Proventus says is appropriate punishment for a child - that, for example, 6 minutes sitting somewhere alone, or to cancel some of his source of pleasure, such as watching television or playing computer games, or (one day). And another important note, never punish denial of basic needs such as "Today there is no supper for you."

The penalty shall be eligible to be realistic and that can be done. If you threaten your child with something that we can execute, we have achieved nothing, except that our child does not believe that the future threat of punishment will not be effective. And it's very important to be consistent with the implementation of the sentence. Which means that we will subsequently negotiate the length of the sentence, "pardon" and so on.Since parents are often angry at sentencing, it happens to come up too quickly and that the penalty for themselves after a wave of anger that they think is too harsh. So much the better "impose" a more lenient sentence, but very strict and was later relaxed.

6th What if nothing helps? In this case, call parents and explain the situation and ask them for advice if you or talk with a parent does not help - then in consultation with the parents take the child home problematic.

The nature of the child to examine the limits of adults. This is normal. And each child has a bad day sometimes. What is most important in a situation of disciplining other people's children to communicate with the parents of that child to child has consistent rules and thus faster and better to learn socially acceptable behavior and develop social intelligence.