Thursday, March 29, 2012

Why does my child does not have friends?


The child already at the age of 6 months is beginning to show interest in other children and have contact with them watching, cooing, smiješenjem, touching. However, in this age peer contacts are rare, simple and short.Between two and five years to expand relationships with peers, and for most children, peers become a social system is second in importance, behind the family. 


The first friendship began to develop after the third year through accidental or intentional interaction, children learn how to socialize with others.
In this respect, they learn that it is important to have friends and be friends, how to solve problems, to be put in the position of others, on values, moral judgments, sex roles, imitation of adult ... With his friends, they feel safer, and this relationship helps them build self-image as a desirable person in society. And then what happens with children who have no friends?

Take, for example girl Lara, 6 years. Larry is a daily childcare big problem. It did not fit, no friends, no play with anyone, other children are not invited to her birthday. While it is good and decent kid, she is constantly in the shade. Often given in kindergarten performed on the sidelines, watching other children playing, wanting to get involved in their game, but does not know how. Today, Lara does not want to go to kindergarten, and not looking forward to it alone.

Play therapy can help children who have no friends so they can help you become more confident, to develop a better image of themselves and their experience of the environment. How? Let's look at how to play therapy could take place in Lara's case.

In a room designed for play therapy, Lara chooses to play with dolls' house. She took the family figures and put them to sleep. When it was "morning," Lara is every doll made in one end of the house: Dad is watching television, my mother cooked, my sister was playing in his room, and Lara with kittens in the other room. Since Lara paused in their game, the therapist took the two girls figure with the intention of acting Lara's age. Lara has accepted Therapist in addition to the game, as well as a call girl that Lara plays with them. Soon, Lara has proposed (the therapist's question, "What could be playing") playing hide and seek.

Lara's figure consisted of girls, therapist, "girls" were hiding. When it was found Lara's figure, "girls" have charged that the file (it's also Lara's instructions therapist how girls react when they find). For Lara and her figure, it was too much, so she decided that she had a lot of games and to go home now. From Larinih words and games can be concluded that a low opinion of themselves, to be quickly withdrawn and that in itself is not known to stand up for themselves.

Following therapy, the therapist suggested that Larry seems to show her playground. The court agreed to Lara, the figurines placed the other children at one end of the courses themselves and the other end of the court. The therapist asked Lara Do any "child" in this field that could be played with Lara. Lara said that she would be a "girl" because he played good, but not when others are close to her friends because she (Lara) is not "cool" to play.

With encouragement Therapist (this session took place would be when a child therapist and got acquainted with the confidence it), Lara has practiced joining other "children" asking them "in order to play with me?". The therapist responded to the figures of peers, as is Lara said that the real answer, that answer was "no, I do not want to play with you today." Since it is obvious that Lara was not in the game can not imagine that anyone would play with her, the therapist suggested that it is possible that someone is playing with Lara tomorrow. She said that this is possible and so began her journey to accept that she preferred to play, finding a child who is estimated to be played with it and finally enjoy the friendship.

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Gifted child


Your child is much better expressed than their peers, the better the draw, sing, read, understand numbers ...What you can do and the talent just a blessing or it can become a problem? 


"Look at my child! It is wise! "She said you are a mother with whom you exchanged at the playground," a drink ", closely watching how the kids rolling in the dust, mud and put in your mouth everything they come in hand.

Of course the majority of mothers thought that her child funniest, sweetest, best and brightest. Wallowing in mud with other peers does not mean that your preschooler is not particularly smart or talented, but it is necessary to discern and identify the normal development of certain tendencies or talents, which is above average.

Earlier detection of certain talents, the child may "benefit" in terms of further development and proper guidance and also the child can be robbed and have problems in social, developmental and social sense, if you do not recognize the signs of giftedness. But how to know if there is talent or not? For there are certain parameters and characters that you identify yourself, but if in doubt ask for advice tete in a kindergarten, a child psychologist who would also need to know and recognize the signs.

Talent, attention, activity

How to identify gifted children (between two and four years of age):
First The child has a particular talent, or art is very good with numbers. For example, children who draw very realistic drawings or to understand what numbers represent, how to manipulate ...
Second The child reaches developmental milestones before their peers
Third It has developed a speech, that much richer vocabulary than their peers, understand the words he speaks in the right context and agrees correct and full sentences.
4th It is very interested in everything that happens around him and seems to always have some meaningful questions about the events.
5th It is very active child, but not hyperactive. While hyperactive children can not keep the attention on a particular object for a long time, gifted children can be much longer concentrate on the task at hand. Accept the task with great interest, and it can be said to express a passion for doing what i love new challenges to assigned by their particular area of ​​interest.
6th It has a very vivid imagination, and often in the head to create a large and intricate network of imaginary friends with whom I often "hang".
7th Very easy to remember things and I remember little things that are heard in their environment, be it the family, television (movies, series, shows) or have they even read the books. It may be gifted to read, so just read ...

Joint action

While you as a parent you can be proud that you have a gifted child, this does not mean that your child and really be easier and better. The child is quite easy to understand that different from their peers, making them feel isolated and there is the possibility of withdrawal. Because it can become a target buliinga other children.

Gifted children think differently, more quickly and more easily expressed verbally and physically, which can occur frustration. If your child goes to kindergarten, then the child's preferences, talents, and potential problems that could arise you must talk to aunts that reasonably should have a practice on how to better integrate gifted children in a particular group, but also caution their talents.

If you think that this is not enough or no matter what particular problems arise, seek the help of child psychologist, who will be able to give some guidance, advice and ultimately test the extent to which your child's talents go, and do tests to determine intelligence and IQ .
The children of three years and up can be tested for, and those that reach above 130 IQ can be considered gifted, because the average is between 85 and 115 Children who reach values ​​between 115 and 130 can be considered gifted, but this will depend upon the individuality of the child.

We should not forget that the IQ test today, only one of many factors taken into account when testing talent.
In assessing talent involved parents, teachers, psychologists ...

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Mistakes in the rearing of children


For proper development of children is very important that he create a warm and comfortable home and to know the proper nurture.


We can say that the family is the first school of life where the child acquires the basic knowledge about people, about their mutual relationships and about life and its problems. It first gained experience that will be applied later in life. Hence the education of children in the family is one of the toughest and most responsible duties of each family member.

Spoiled child

The most common and most serious error is permissive parenting education and pampering. Pamper your child does not often caress him and show him love and tenderness, but it too to help and serve, and for him to perform all those tasks that only it can execute.

Spoiled children soon show effects pats. They become self-willed, dependent, selfish, over-sensitive, and often nedruževni because they do not play in the company of peers. Fleeing systematic work, avoid duties and are always looking for who will be executed instead. Such children may suffer from various neuroses, for example.fear of the night, nocturnal bedwetting, nail biting, stuttering, etc..

Too strict upbringing

When parents lose their patience with spoiled and capricious child, often exceeding the severity of the conviction that the situation will improve.
A strict authoritarian upbringing or apply those educators who want to quickly and without thinking to achieve obedience, and those who do not love your child as a burden to them and they to him impatient and violent.

Too strict teacher child terrorizing, intimidating and even physically abusive. In addition to the child tends to reproaches of his flaws and mistakes, yelling at the child and monitor his every act. In such an education a child can react in two ways. Or openly opposed to that educator. defies him and arguing with him or take a seemingly passive position behind which the hostility and distrust of educators.

Too strict and harshly reared children invent various means of defense to avoid punishment and trouble. This is such a tool. lies, deceit, etc. osvetljivost.
In addition, rough and raised children become very rough, unkind, brusque, rude and cruel.

In a poor upbringing rarely found only one educational mistake, but it is typically combine educational. Thus, the pampering or too strict procedure then we see the constant zanovijetanje, comparing children with each other and uncertain background, ie. Hour indulgent, sometimes harsh, sometimes gentle, a moment a cold attitude towards the child.

The consequences of improper upbringing can be seen in childhood. Criminal education discourages the child, makes it dependent, hindering his sense of community and bring it to that to avoid duties and work.

Success in education will be achieved only if we are self-critical to their educational error, if the child has confidence and if you love him.
Do it as soon as we became independent, we have to make it independent, ie. we must allow him to independently perform all those duties, in proportion to their age, can only perform. In addition, it should systematically encourage and instil confidence in his abilities. If necessary, it should also help, but should never be the child's duties entirely by themselves.


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My child will not eat


Good eating habits come from a family and to you to teach your child the culture dishes. It can be a lengthy process that will last for years ... 


We no longer know what to spravili to eat, or how their child is fed, because it simply does not want to eat. And before you experience a "nervous breakdown" over the child's plate, remember that all children between one and four years of life go through phases where they eat very small amounts of food that you make negligible.However, when your nerves are "tripped" the whole issue about food seems to be even bigger.

When this happens to you, keep in mind that according to all indicators of your child will eat as much as his body needs to function normally. You must resist that require him to eat more, which of course is harder to do than say. Your primary task as a person who cares for the health of the child to eat what is healthy. The amount of food then maybe there will be much more questionable, because you know that the foods that the child enter are given the necessary amount of vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, protein, fiber, etc. ...

Is the screen?

However, the question remains, how do you know that your child is a sieve?
keep your mouth firmly shut when he was offered more food
tells you "No"
turns his head when he was offered food
pushes utensils, plate or bowl in which to eat his food offer
keep food in your mouth and refuse to swallow
constantly spitting the food out of my mouth
trying to leave the table or out of high chairs
crying, screaming and yelling is
when vomiting or showing signs of disgust

Tips and Suggestions

Many of the older children tend to go through a longer or shorter periods of selectivity, and do not have to wonder if your child goes through these same stages. One reason is that children from one to four years old yet familiar world, new scents, flavors and forms, and develop its own personality, so when you offer them food unknown to them, simply will not be afraid to try. Your child will need time to learn that all the food that mixes into a delicious and safe to eat. A, will teach how to look at how you eat the same food. With time and it will taste more different foods.

Here, you can do to help and speed up the process a bit:
First When your child eats, you eat. Your child will learn to eat certain foods, if you and you alone to eat this food, including other family members, and older brothers and sisters.

Second When you eat certain foods that your child does not want to eat their meals several times as much praise on the delicious meal that you eat. After that, your child will be more willing to taste the food.

Third Try to create a daily routine of eating. Three times a day, a large meal, and two to three snacks a day.There is a possibility that the child will not eat enough, if before that was too hungry. It is the child who is too tired. What you can do is that if a child is very hungry before it's time for the main course, allow it to less healthy snacks, and also if your child is too tired to hold out the main course, solve the problem with a healthy snack, as the main wait after a meal to get some sleep.

4th For the main course always offer two courses - such as soup and main course or main course and dessert.The children quickly tired of one flavor, aroma and appearance of food, and want to try something new. With this type of diet, will ensure that your child gets all the nutrients that it needs, and will eat much more than if you offer him only one sequence.

5th Your child will eat your meal within 20 minutes, maybe half an hour. After that, regardless of your demanding, pleading, threats, and the like. Your child probably will not want to eat. In this case, if you think your child has not eaten enough, wait for the next snack time, and give him something healthy. On the other hand, do not rush your child into eating, because some kids are just slow, it does not mean they are not hungry and do not want to eat. It is your rush will impair appetite.

6th When you notice that your child eats more and happily, be sure to praise him. Specifically, all children respond very well to praise. If you just attach the child attention when not eating enough, there is a possibility that they will start eating less or refuse food, just to get attention from you. Kids love the attention, even if it was negative. If a child does not eat enough, say once is not enough to take a plate and eaten. Reward your child when you eat enough praise.

7th Do not put too much on the child's portion of the plate, because it might scare it would all have to eat and will eat less. I'd rather put you exactly how much you think you should eat (be realistic in assessing) and if you eat everything, praise your child and ask him if he wants more.

8th Since the beginning navikavajte your child to eat without interference from the side, such as television, toys and games. When will the child focus on something else will not want to eat. Once you get used to eating a child playing, watching TV, etc.. will find it difficult to quit it.

9th Do not force your child to finish everything on your plate, even though the practice of many parents. When a child has finished eating, a plate is not empty, let him know that he must take a few bites. If you do not take do not force anything, and if you take it, reward him with praise.

10th When your child does not want to eat prepared food, not to take him and give him something else, that is what he loves. It can quickly turn into manipulation with you. Tell him you will not get anything to eat if you do not eat at least some of the dishes offered. If the child really feels an aversion to certain food (no one likes to eat absolutely everything), try not to offer him in the future.

11th Do not offer sweets as a reward, because the child will prefer to eat smaller main course, to have a "place" for dessert.

12th Just because your child is refusing to eat certain foods, does not mean it will happen in the future. Each time you save a certain food, offer it to him. Sometimes you will need to offer a specific course and 10-odd more times.

In control

Children over two years of life can lead to purchase and prepare food you'll eat later, you may very well affect your child's attitude towards food. When a child sees, from where the food comes, it seems, will get used to it, and much easier to try it.

It is known that children are always in a different setting to eat more, but not because the food that you mixes worse, but because children respond positively to new environments in which they feel comfortable. From time to time, take your child on a picnic in the yard or park, made a dish where it is not common.

Probably most of you remember how our parents did not give before eating any sweets, snacks or drinks, which would be fed up with us, and we could not eat the main course. The same tactics should definitely be implemented in your child, especially if the child does not want to eat. Then, his diet should be more kontroliraniji.

If you are still worried about your child or his diet, make a list of foods that your child eats, and try to think that you could spravljati similar dishes, and that will give variety to the diet. You know your child best, so you need to be imaginative, and sometimes a bit tricky. They certainly did not clever to you, but you will certainly be on a daily basis to bring in new trials and tested your limits. As an adult and mature people need to resist them, no matter how hard it seems.

Remember, good eating habits come from a family and to you to teach your child the culture dishes. It can be a lengthy process that will last for years, until he grows up, but that's including your role as educators and foster parents.

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Child after divorce

With the dissolution of marriage shall be dissolved and the parent-child relationship, the worst thing a parent can do is turn a child against the other parent 
Children need the best possible relationship with both parents, both parents participate in child development is important for a child's emotional health now and in the future. This is not a problem for children born in happy marriages. But what about the children living with a single (divorced) parent? For such situations, researchers have suggested a dynamic parenting plan. 

Your child after a divorce

Child's needs
It is essential that we should understand the child's needs during the development until he was old enough to start an independent life. These needs are related to housing, day care, health, education, extracurricular activities, religious purposes. The plan takes into account all areas of life and detail how it provides opportunities to meet the wishes of both parents. If one of the parents' lack of knowledge, skills and abilities to fulfill the plan, the plan may include psychotherapy. The basic starting point is that parents are willing and ready to do whatever is necessary to meet the child's needs. Parents will have to adapt to different stages of child development and the plan will change over time, therefore, must be dynamic.

In infants is usually greater responsibility on one parent to day care of the child. However, both parents should be given the opportunity to create a relationship with a child. As children grow, gradually more and more exposed to the outside world. If possible, it is always better if both parents share the duties around the child rather than take a whole seeing an exact day of the week. With this approach every parent with a child spends time in different ways, contributing to a better and more natural parent - child relationship.

No hard feelings
Parent's room with a child is determined by the tasks and the child's age. As the school requirements, it is possible that one parent to spend more time in facilitating mathematics, the other about grammar. The key is to develop a meaningful parenting plan with clear objectives and structured activities, with the intention of the child with the most possible in certain stages of life. A close relationship with the child's best set of typical daily activities.

Another benefit of sharing responsibilities and obligations in implementing the plan is that it reduces the possibility that one parent gets strict guardian role, while the other parent makes a fairy tale. For the children stay with both parents income if their needs are respected and parenting skills. Moreover, dividing the duties requirements are reduced separately, which means both parents to less stress.

Continuous involvement of both parents in the child's life largely determines how it will accept the leadership of parents during adolescence. It's pretty strong opinion that the more teenagers affect their opinion of their peers than their parents. But this is only true for teenagers who have poorly developed relationships with parents.Parents who are in a child's early age to establish good and strong relationships usually have much more influence on him during puberty than his peers. The involvement of parents just at that age will determine the depth of relationship with the child and provide the foundation for the future relations, and general welfare of the child. Make it a dynamic quality of parenting plan and respect the child's growth over the years, chances are that both parents are dancing on the child's wedding and later enjoy the grandchildren.

It is clear that this approach can be applied only parents who are able to overlook their differences and move away from mutual anger. This is necessary for the welfare of children. The worst thing a parent can make your child is to turn it against the other parent.

Alienation syndrome
Parental alienation syndrome was first described by psychiatrist Richard Gardner 1985th year. The team's Syndrome describes the behavior of children of divorced parents who refuse to seeing and talking with the parent they do not live because of the influence which the parent is assigned to which they live. Parental alienation syndrome diagnosis is set for a child who shows a behavior is caused by the alienation of parents and that further disturb the relationship with the parent they do not live.

Parental alienation syndrome, parental alienation, and destructive phenomena of the child's social and family development. They are characterized by the manipulation of a child by one parent and is actually a form of psychological abuse. The goal is to reduce the alienation of parents, to limit or completely abolish the role and impact of parent with whom the child lives. The motives for such behavior may be different from revenge to the financial gain. How will manifest alienation and parental alienation syndrome, parental, dependent on the parent-caregiver and how to intervene in the relationship and the child's other parent, usually with the justification that takes care of the child's safety. Here are most often cited concerns about the moral values ​​of the other parent, lack of child care, and the alleged abuse. Most often these concerns are justified and are usually small differences between parents extremely exaggerated. It is then anger, annoyance, or unfortunately estranged parents used against him in favor of a parent who encourages alienation.

Through the Child
Parents who encourage alienation are generally convinced of the correctness of their actions to justify the time they themselves have to worry about the child (in extreme cases do not accept proposals to change our own behavior). Usually have the support of friends, lawyers and doctors who support their engagements alienating behavior. Experts thus warn friends, lawyers and doctors do not take any side in the determination of the custody of the child. It is recommended to take a neutral position, and is justified only expressing concern about the child's welfare.

Does your child spends a lot of fun in the company of parents with non-residential, to further prove that the alleged concerns about the child's safety are unfounded. If a child has difficulty in adjusting, it is a psychotherapist help. Psychotherapy is essential for the alienated parent, because it helps hold the child's eventual rejection, as well as better understanding of the child's loyalty to the parent-guardian.

In psychotherapy, the child should be emphasizing the positive features of the alienated parent change the child's negative beliefs. Terms seeing the child and the parent does not live with what should be a court, if a parent-guardian fails to comply, he should be punished appropriately.

Children who are exposed to a long estrangement of parents are losing the opportunity to establish healthy relationships with parents, which is the basis of their social and family relationships. Proper understanding of the problem, its identification and timely intervention can facilitate and reduce the emotional stress that a child goes through the divorce of parents.

Advice for alienated parents
If you are in a situation where your ex-spouse is away and alienates the child from you, you probably are experiencing one of the worst and most painful life experiences. Keep in mind that this process is very difficult to go back, so do not hesitate to seek psychotherapeutic help, for yourself and the baby. In addition, one should know the following:
• Do not avenge yourselves parent-caregiver gossip
• Do not give up their children
• with the help of an attorney make sure the time with their children
• Do the children lose control of behavior
• Do not use children as a source of information



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The dangers of too much milk


Milk is considered to be very healthy and is an excellent source of protein, fat and calcium, at least for those children who are not allergic to milk proteins and for which there is no lactose intolerance. However, the organism can get enough of this good food.


If kids drink more than 2-3 cups of milk a day can lead to prison, but the biggest problem are the excessive calories that a child brings. These extra calories affect your child or feel satiety and does not introduce other nutritious foods and become malnourished or eat normally (without a drink more milk) and becoming obese.

Please be aware that the child drinks from 4-6 cups of milk and one cup has 150 calories. In this way it brings from 600-900 calories per day just from milk. It is in fact half or two thirds of the 1,300 calories that provided little boy needs a day to enter the body. Also, if your child drinks plenty of juice, it will bring all the necessary calories through milk and juice, and that he will not provide the proper mixture of fats, proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals.

Another major problem that arises as a consequence of the excessive introduction of milk into the body is used as anemia of iron deficiency. This mostly happens because the milk has no iron in it, a lot of children who drink milk, eat any food rich in iron. There are times when the anemia is so strong that it required a blood transfusion.

On the other hand, if the child does not have anemia caused by iron deficiency, eating fine, no jail, normally gains weight, then the problem is not drinking much milk. As the child turns 2 years, parents need to switch to skimmed or semi-skimmed milk.

If you think you should reduce your intake of milk, so you do not fill his cup. Determine the quantity of milk should be taken daily and stick to a decision. However, many youngsters who are accustomed to the milk will be no protest so easily give up their habits. One way to cope with this problem is to pour water into the milk. More effective to mix milk with cold than with warm water. You can also allow your youngster to choose a new cup, and from it to try to drink water or another drink.

In any case, do good to your child if his lower your daily intake of milk.


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